Conquering Chaos:

Summer Planning with a Narcissistic Co-parent

Summer - a season of sunshine, freedom, and...potential co-parenting meltdowns, especially when a narcissist is involved. Navigating summer plans with a high-conflict ex can feel like walking a tightrope, but taking the initiative and starting early can be your saving grace. So, why not ditch the summer scramble and become the calm, prepared parent? Here's why January and February are the perfect months to initiate those crucial summer discussions, even with a narcissistic co-parent:

Know Your Rights, Review Your Agreement:

Before diving in, dust off your parenting agreement or court order. Refresh your memory about custody schedules, decision-making roles, and communication protocols. This empowers you to stay grounded and avoid manipulation tactics. Remember, agreements exist to protect both you and your children.

Summer School or Camp? Research is Your Ally:

Don't wait until May to discover camps are full! Start researching early. Explore options that align with your child's interests and your budget. Be prepared to present the benefits with factual evidence: improved social skills, academic enrichment, physical activity, etc. This takes the emotional edge off and focuses on your child's well-being.

Vacation Tango: Anticipate and Strategize:

Narcissists often crave control and surprise. Get ahead of the game by proposing potential vacation dates early, preferably before April 1st. Suggest options that fit your child's needs and your budget. Be flexible within reason, but stick to your guns on non-negotiables, like your child's safety and well-being.

Communication is Key, But Choose Your Battles:

Remember, you can't control your co-parent, but you can control your communication. Keep emails factual and focused on the children's needs. Document everything for future reference, especially broken agreements or unreasonable demands. Consider using a co-parenting app to facilitate communication and avoid emotional exchanges. OurFamilyWizard and Talking Parents are two populr ones that have good calendar-sharing options.

Prioritize Your Child's Emotional Well-being:

Planning with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Remember, your top priority is your child's happiness and security. Don't engage in unnecessary arguments. If discussions become heated, take a break and revisit later when emotions have cooled down. And if communication remains a constant struggle, you might have to get the help of a parenting coordinator or even the court.

Bonus Tip: Build a Support System:

Surround yourself with positive, understanding individuals who can offer emotional support and practical advice. Talking to a therapist who is certified in trauma therapy is an important part of any abuse survivor's recovery.

Remember, planning early doesn't guarantee a conflict-free summer, but it puts you in control. By being prepared, informed, and strategic, you can minimize stress, anticipate challenges, and create a summer filled with positive memories for your child, regardless of your co-parent's antics. So, take a deep breath, grab your calendar, and start planning! You've got this.